A Man’s Guide to Feminism

So, contrary to popular belief feminists do not hate men. Some of are even us, like, friends with them and stuff. In fact, we want you to join us. JOIN USSSSSSSS.

There is nothing sexier than a male feminist. Not that that should matter because y’all don’t exist to be seen as attractive to women, or men or whatever floats your boat. See, it works both ways!

I feel like the best way for men to be allies to their female brethren (here meaning ‘fellow members of the human race’) is for them to understand, firstly, why we need feminism, and secondly, how life is outside of their privileged male vantage point. The two are very much linked, of course, one necessitates the other. So I put together a few FAQs to address this and help you lovely men-folk to educate yourselves.

What is feminism?

The way in which I personally define feminism is the belief in an equal society for all people regardless of their gender, race, class, sexuality or able-bodiedness. My type of feminism is inclusive and intersectional. It is primarily focused upon gender issues and, more narrowly, issues of female oppression but not at the cost of ignoring other oppressed groups.

However, feminism throughout the ages has been defined in many different ways and not everyone who calls themselves a ‘feminist’ shares my views. Essentially, feminism came in three waves but I’ll skip the history lesson and try to summarise for you as generally as possible.

First-wave feminism = Took place around the late 19^th, early 20^th century. Mostly white, middle-class women fighting for female suffrage, more power for females in general on masculine terms, legal battles for gender equality.

Second-wave feminism = Took place around 1960s up to the 1990s. In canon with other civil rights issues. Rejection of masculine ideas of power, radical feminism, mobilisation of a larger movement, issues like co-education and reproductive rights.

Third-wave feminism = Beginning around the 1990s and arguably still present today. The type of feminism I described initially fits best with this wave. Focus upon gender violence, rape culture and reproductive rights. Denies essentialism (the idea that one group must have all the same traits).

So, feminists DON’T hate all men?

Nope. In fact, what we want is mutual respect and equality for all genders. A lot of feminists may seem like they are just angry with all men or ‘out to get you’ but the fact is, when we say the word ‘men’ we normally not referring to every male-identified person on this planet but more the ideas put about by that gender and the way society favours them. I seriously don’t need you to tell me that ‘not all men are like that’ because I know. I know a great many wonderful, compassionate men and I know you are not all rigid enforcers of patriarchy but we are speaking in general terms here, try not to take things personally. If you feel badly about something then you may want to consider why that is and whether it is because it is something you’ve partaken in yourself.

But men and women are pretty much equal now, aren’t they?

Oh gosh honey, no.  Men and women are not paid the same wages, which is the most tangible example of inequality. But there is so much more. Second-wave feminism won us a lot of battles but the war ain’t over yet.

The way in which women are treated by our society is not as that of an equal. We are discriminated against in the workplace, in public and in our homes. We are subject to harassment, violence, sexual assault, rape and abuse on an overwhelmingly large scale. Our contributions to society have been hidden from the history that our children are learning. Our reproductive rights, our bodies are up for discussion by those who have no business discussing them. We are constantly viewed as objects and not people. I could go on.

But men are discriminated against too! Just look at army drafting, arrest rates etc.

Yes, all of these things are valid and really do hurt men. But that does not counter feminism nor is it at odds with it. These things are a result of our patriarchal society. These are the negative effects that men have to suffer, as well as women. This is the result of women being seen as ‘the weaker sex’ and men’s gender roles relying so heavily upon perceived strength and dominance. There are negative side-effects for both and all genders. Gender roles are a damaging part of patriarchy used to maintain the status quo. This is why your role within the feminist movement is so important; it is beneficial to you too.

How can I be a feminist if I am not female/female-identified?  

As a male/male-identified person you are in a uniquely powerful position within our society. There are many positive things that you can do to help further the feminist cause. You are able to confront your peers about these issues and be listened to in a way that a woman may not be. By challenging behaviour that reinforces patriarchy you are able to open up a dialogue in which such behaviour is discussed and not merely accepted as the norm. And this is phenomenally brave and a wonderful thing to do.

Something that you should also understand, however, is that, within a feminist group, a women’s voice takes precedence over your own. Not because any one person is more important than another but because a women’s views on her own experiences should not be challenged and spoken over by men within a feminist space, as they are within wider society. These are safe places for us and, as an oppressed group, we need to find our voice and express our own experiences without being spoken for by others.

Another thing you can do is to listen. Just listen to women and respect their views and try to feel compassion for them. We don’t want pity, we want understanding. I am sure that you are already doing these things and for that, I thank you.

What is male privilege?

Privilege means, in this context, inherent rights given to a dominant group in society. Male privilege is many things; it is all of the things that you take for granted that are not afforded to the female gender. It is being able to walk down the street in a city without being harassed by men, it is being considered for a high-paid business job without controversy or questioning, it is not being expected to shave the hair off your body; it is not being called a slut for sleeping around. It is many, many things you probably never realised or considered. This does not make you a ‘bad person’ but it is something that you need to start considering. You are privileged in our society and in your privilege others are oppressed. What you can do is to ‘check’ your privilege; that is, to recognise it and how it affects others.

Once you realise your privilege it is easy to feel guilt and reproach at others pointing it out. Don’t. Again, we are not ‘getting at you’ on a personal level. So long as you are willing to learn from what you are told and take it on board, so long as you want to learn and understand, then you are our ally.

I hope that this was useful to you and increased your understanding of something which I strongly believe in and fight for. I hope you will want to fight alongside me. Or at least, I hope I provoked some thought in you. If you have further questions, please ask them. I’d be only too happy to discuss them with you. 

On beauty...

I associate comments upon my appearance with negativity. Someone calling me ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’, even, makes me recoil inwardly because it frightens me. Because it gives them a reason to hurt me. Don’t pretend that that isn’t true because it’s a reason that men use all the time. Asking for it. Her beauty appealed to me and so I took it for my own. They took it away from me and I can’t get it back from them. I will always be ashamed by my ‘beauty’, though I try not to be. I should be happy, surely, that I have what society deems important. I am thin, I am have soft, white skin, I have shiny, blonde hair, a child-like face that is scientifically proven to attract the male sex because they sub-consciously want something youthful and able to bear their children. I should be grateful.

I only know my plight, as a female, is to be objectified to the point where I find my own face, body and appearance abhorrent at times because it is the cause of such discrimination, objectification and harm to my whole self. I am brain-washed into thinking that my body is the cause of my pain. It is my fault for looking a certain way. Or even acting in a certain way.

How can I reconcile these two opposing ideas? The idea that my worth is based on my attractiveness but that by being attractive I invite men to shame, abuse and use me in any way they wish. How can I be worth anything if I allow this invasion of self? I can’t be because that is also wrong and diminishes me. I can’t allow anyone to touch me, it makes me impure but by doing so I am frustrating men’s sexual desires and it is only natural for them to act on them forcefully. Then shall I stop trying to be attractive? Should I diminish myself in this way? The entirety of ‘women’s media’ has a key focus upon appearance, it’s everything, I can’t escape it.

So, what? Shave my head, remove all decoration, become a nun? Is this the only way? Even that is no guarantee at all.

I want to feel beautiful. I don’t want to be ashamed. I just don’t know how yet.    

‘Attractiveness’ – all it’s cracked up to be?

So, hurr durr, appearance is a big deal for women. It’s constantly shoved into your face, everywhere you look, wherever you turn, you’re being judged based on what you look like. Of course, this isn’t entirely unique to women but it is certainly felt far more acutely by us than our male counter-parts. Women are objectified, judged and experience tremendous pressure to pay constant attention to their appearances. Magazines devoted entirely to ridicule, slut-shaming, fat-shaming, existence-shaming…oh yeah, and BUY THINGS THEY WILL MAKE YOU PRETTY.

Because it’s not just appearance, it’s being considered attractive according to certain society-specific standards of beauty that are suffocating, narrow and unrealistic. The same unobtainable ideas, the same indignant chunks of disbelief I’ve already vomited out, but keep being forced to eat up all over again. Be thin, but don’t be too thin, please, because you will be force-fed and accused of having an eating disorder, which is unthinkable! But that’s got to be better than having any fat on my body whatsoever, that automatically means I’m unhealthy and lazy and think the gym is out of some horrible, school-days nightmare.

Okay, so I can rant all I want and it’s probably just because I’m totally jealous of other women and wish I was as attractive as them.

But is being considered ‘attractive’ actually an advantage?

Far as I can tell there are three key advantages to perceived attractiveness:

1)      People do shit for you because they’re patronising ‘gentlemen’ types. Oh well, at least I get my shopping carried, I guess.

2)      You get away with shit because men forget their names in front of you so can’t be expected to deal with say, fining you for not buying a train ticket. SCORE.

3)      You get laid. But not really, this is a complete fallacy and ‘unattractive’ people get laid all the time.

Okay, so what’s so shit about being perceived as ‘attractive’?

Allow me to list, in-exhaustively, the many disadvantages:

1)      You can’t be intelligent. It’s just, like, not possible.

2)      Your opinions are invalid, silly!

3)      You must accept all sexual advances towards you, because THEY ARE COMPLIMENTING YOU, OBVS.

4)      If you wear anything other than a nun’s habit you are totally ‘asking for it’.

5)      Ditto for drinking alcohol. This blatantly means you want sex.

6)      Expect random (presumably male) drivers to beep you as they drive past, shout lewd comments and then drive on in a smug fashion, their quota of pointless, questionable womanising fulfilled for the day.

7)      You’re a slut, by the way. Just so you know. Or a cock-tease, if you’re a virgin.

8)      By the way, ARE you a virgin? Because that’s totally everyone’s business and not just yours.

If I’m being honest, (some) men are pigs and probably just do this to any woman who isn’t exceedingly far from their gender expectations.  But still, I think I’d rather be ‘unattractive’ and ignored by gawping, misogynistic men, on balance. So, women’s magazine’s sweeping assumption that we all live to be viewed as attractive by men is kind of…wrong? Oh shit. I think I just blew some minds there.

Unfortunately, I can’t control my objectified status as a woman. I have my own identity, my own aesthetic pleasures; pride in my appearance for the sake of what I want to look like. Sorry, but I’m not willing to sacrifice that to be taken seriously in this ridiculous patriarchal society. But I think I covered this in my previous article: Reclaiming Femininity.  

Females, sex and sexuality

Sorry I haven’t written for a while (not that you care, you’re probably perfectly happy in your little none-angry-feminist bubble full of penises and sandwiches. Mmm, sandwich…) but I’ve been lazy. This particular article/rant was inspired by a night out I had recently, where I gave some Neanderthal an earful. It was drunkenly inarticulate and mostly involved me calling him a misogynistic, homophobic asshole. FEMINIST SMASH. However, it is genuinely something that I find to be a problem in a wider context and something I feel strongly about.

Within much gay rights activism focus is upon male homosexuality - and not unduly for this is the type of homosexuality that society (read: MALE society) has a problem with to a much larger extent. Male homosexuality, after all, has been condemned by the Bible and been made unlawful under many different governments in many countries around the world. Guys just don’t like the idea. What if he, like, fancies me or something? What if I fancy HIM? Society itself would indeed crumble!

However, female homosexuality is not given a direct mention in the Bible and is not normally the focus of unlawful homosexuality. Probably because that shit isn’t real. Or because lesbians are totally hot. Besides, they only do that stuff for the benefit of men; to turn them on. Just look at the porn industry lesbians – blatantly doing it for men.

Herein lies the fundamental problem of female homosexuality – people don’t think that it exists. Either that, or lesbians are seen as embittered man-haters. Obviously neither of these things are true (not all of time, anyway. Some lesbians may very well hate men, just as some straight women might). Female homosexuality seems to be tied together with politics. When I say that I’m a feminist it is almost expected that I will be a lesbian because all that ever is, is a political statement. I understand that some women use it as such and I’d question the effectiveness of that. By being a ‘political lesbian’ one undermines the legitimacy of female sexuality even further – you’re giving them ammunition. If we want to be taken seriously we need to consider lesbianism and female bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality just as male homosexuality is.

Our patriarchal society has made sex the dominion of the male. The act of sex is seen as something to be carried out and desired by a male, whilst the female exists to be the object of this desire and subject to the sex act instead of partaking in it. The fact that women want sex too is a shocking one to men and one that it has taken them centuries to digest. At present we are moving somewhat positively towards sexual liberation for women but the prejudices are still overwhelmingly present. For a start, women should only want sex with a man and cannot possibly get sexual pleasure without the presence of a penis. I mean, lesbians can’t have sex, can they? If there’s no penis involved there’s no sex.

Sadly, I’ve heard this myth from straight women as well as men. When we talk about sex in a hetero-normative context the immediate assumption is that sex means coitus and that this is the only possible way to ‘have sex’. If your definition is so narrow then the assumption is understandable but if this logic is followed then surely gay men cannot ‘have sex’ either? And yet, the involvement of a penis seems to legitimise male gay sex. Surely this speaks volumes about whose definition of sex we are speaking about. Who else would define sex as involving a penis but our inherently patriarchal society? Women buy into this assumption and help to perpetuate it, but it originates from a male desire to dominate sexuality as a whole, the idea that women are there only to please them sexually. This idea helps them to warp female homoerotic activity into something that exists only for them to enjoy. Women have even helped to perpetuate this by using homosexual acts to attract men, effectively buying into the subjugation of other women. Way to go. You’re a credit to your sex, really.

The problem is exacerbated for bisexual females; all of the usual lesbian stereotypes with added prejudice. If we like men too then we must be doing it for attention! And we blatantly just want to have sex with anything that moves.

We are trivialised even by those we care about. In my personal experience a lot of guys upon discovering my sexuality comment that it’s ‘hot’. As though my sexuality were something I invented merely to please them and other males and not something equally as legitimate as my relationship with them. Being bisexual seems to be about having something to prove. I am often quizzed about my girl to guy ratio, which way I swing more, whether it’s ‘just a phase’, whether or not I will eventually be straight or gay.

The problem of female homosexuality and, indeed, female sexuality is something created by male society and so ingrained as to be seen by some women as the norm and thus perpetuated by them. Basically, we need to start taking ourselves more seriously. If we take ourselves seriously then men are a lot more likely to follow suit.

This is where it starts to get hairy...

Updates:
I have decided to attempt weekly posts on this blog. We'll see how well this goes once I start to run out of ideas. For now, it seems do-able.

Getting hairy

As a self-proclaimed ‘feminist’ my automatic stance on women shaving ought to be that we should all cease this practice immediately if we want to be enlightened, forward-thinking females. This is where it starts to get hairy. Generally, I don’t disagree with shaving if it is down to one’s own standard of beauty. I like how my legs look and feel when shaven and prefer my armpits without the little hair that actually grows there. If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t do it.

From my understanding it’s really only Western woman who shave in a unanimous way. Why this might be is baffling. No-one really seems to know, or care, why the practice of shaving one’s body hair became so prevalent. I acknowledge that in the scheme of things the answer isn’t exactly cataclysmic but I do feel that this revelation might reveal a lot about our culture.
From what I can gather the idea originated in the US and followed the emergence of new, more revealing clothing trends. This seems logical to me, as it would explain why the idea did not seem to occur previous to this – women’s bare under-arms and legs were not an issue for public concern. Expanding upon this I’d like to suggest that the emergence of further removal of body hair – i.e. the shaving of women’s pubic hair – coincided with the boom of the internet and thus the porn industry (or easy access to it) which in turn made women’s pubic hair a more public concern.

A public concern; or a man’s concern? Certainly the porn industry is male dominated (I intend to explore this further in future posts) and thus the shaving of pubic hair might be traced back to a male idea of female attractiveness. I do think that there are actually a few practical reasons for it. As a rather crude example, it aids in the delivery of oral sex. Rather than being misogynistic this seems rather liberating to me; after all, oral sex is for the pleasure of a woman primarily and not a man. Although, I do subscribe somewhat to the theory that it makes women look pre-pubescent and therefore less threatening, too. The pubic hair does not need to be entirely removed for the aforementioned practices – the idea is quite strange and it seems doubtful that women would come up with it for their own aesthetic pleasure. It’s not exactly easy or practical.

The shaving of leg and under-arm hair, however, is a rather different story. It is more a matter of fashion and vanity on women’s part. It is unlikely that the general public will see whether or not a woman’s pubic hair is shaved (unless she is a model or porn star) – it is far more likely, however, that they will see her under-arms and legs. Western fashion at this time is revealing and so it makes sense to alter ones appearance to suit these trends. Tank tops with bushy armpits are not seen as attractive and I would argue that it is not men who enforce this. Women pressure other women. The concept is pure vanity, which, whilst being somewhat distasteful to some, is not misogynistic.

Whilst I do admire the rebellion against shaving on the grounds that it subverts mainstream ideas of beauty, shaving (of under-arms and legs, at least), in principal, is not an un-feminist concept in my view. Shave or don’t shave – it’s all down to personal preference. Certainly, I resent anyone being pressured to do so against their will but on a personal level I do not feel pressured – my choice is informed, and my own. Let yours be too.

References or influences

I referenced the following article in this post. Give it a read, it’s pretty interesting.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/625/who-decided-women-should-shave-their-legs-and-underarms
Also, the opening monologue in the Vagina Monologues (Eve Ensler) served as inspiration for this post. If you haven't already, definitely check this out.

Reasons to begin...

So, I begin this blog on the basis of an article I've written called Reclaiming Femininity: My admiration for Lady GaGa and Amanda Palmer (which I'll re-post below, in case you happened to miss it). I realised that I've got a lot of 'feminist rants' in me, and this blog is my forum, my arena of feminist thought. I hope to be, at times, humorous and at others passionately devoted and serious. I'm not an expert scholar nor am I completely unacademic but a balance, I feel, between the two. Not too indebted to traditional feminism but equally not entirely ignorant of it. My ideas are what my generation feels, what we struggle with because every era has its own feminist issues and that is why feminist will never be irrelevant.

My article, if you please.

Reclaiming Femininity: My admiration for Lady GaGa and Amanda Palmer

I find myself in a culture where I am blamed for something that I am pressured to do. Look at all the clothes that will make you look attractive but if you wear them you’re a slut. I don’t want to wear men’s clothes to avoid being thought of as a slut. I am a woman; I want to be feminine. But I want to be feminine on my own terms. I want to be a woman’s idea of feminine, not a man’s idea. That’s why I admire women like Lady GaGa and Amanda Palmer. They are female on their own terms, they are not objectified nor are they masculinised. Though, people have tried to masculinise them because they are very intimidated by this revolutionary idea. In breaking down the binary one can be a new version of female – a female version of female.

What Lady GaGa wears can be thought of as ‘promiscuous’ but it is not, to me, objectifying because it is not something men find specifically attractive – it is ‘weird’ to them, they don’t find her sexual because of this and the fact that her body is somewhat androgynous. When she does ‘beauty shots’ people seem surprised to find that she is ‘actually quite pretty’ in a more traditional, binary way. What is admirable about Lady GaGa and her fashion sense is that she is unafraid to be ‘unfeminine’ just as she is prepared to be ‘promiscuous’ and thus creates a non-gender-specific role for herself. The fact that she has been called a transsexual is testament to society’s confusion at such an idea. They also cannot understand how a female is able to have such a strong identity that is essentially linked to a masculine pursuit – GaGa is a fashion icon, of the female domain, but she is primarily a musician which is male dominated industry. Yes, there are thousands of female artists but their image is controlled by men, or what men want. They are sexualised or virginised, the age old juxtaposition. Artists like Rihanna (being the most overt and obvious example) are catered to a male ideal of what is sexual and feminine. Equally, artists such as Taylor Swift are seen as shining example of purity and virginity but are also merely another male idea of what it is to be feminine. GaGa, whilst being sexual, is not specifically sexual towards men. Her sexuality is also aimed at women, in a wonderfully different way. She seems to invite them to be women alongside her, rather than to challenge them with her superior sexuality. She is not afraid to be sexual but, equally, she is sexual on her own terms.

Amanda Palmer does this in a different manner; she is not nearly as self-conscious about her image as GaGa and this reclaims her femininity in almost the opposite way. Her tendency to perform wearing only her bra normalises what is ordinarily a sexual item of clothing; her casual manner making what might have been seen as a ‘promiscuous’ act something that seems hardly worth commenting upon. Her refusal to adhere to her record labels ideas about her image – namely, that she ought to lose a few pounds – again subverts society’s ideas about female beauty. Amanda Palmer is not fat but neither is she skinny – her shape is distinctly ordinary and, again, she is unperturbed by expectations put upon her by a male dominated business. I would say that Palmer’s body shape is one of a typical female and the fact that she is unashamed of it is encouraging for her contemporaries. Accepting a female form that is realistic and healthy is far more helpful than accepting one that is unhealthy (both drastically under and over-weight). Palmer further refuses this idealised image of the feminine by revealing unshaven body hair – in many photographs and videos upon her raising her arms we can see this outward sign of protest. This seems to be a more self-conscious feminist statement as shaving is obviously a part of a ‘pornified’ view of what a woman ought to look like.

My admiration for these two women stems from the fact that they are unashamed of their sex and thus embolden one in the struggle between wanting to be feminine and not wanting to be objectified. The two ought not to be mutually exclusive at all but, sadly, it is the general feeling that they are. In order to be taken seriously one ought to dress like a man. If a woman wishes to express her sexuality through the way that she dresses then she must expect to be taken advantage of; after all, by dressing in this way she is openly inviting all men. Her preference is of no consequence. I feel that this injustice is awful and thus I will fight, like Lady GaGa and Amanda Palmer, to reclaim my femininity.